Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
