You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
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