I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
