Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
