big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
