i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
