I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
