oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Mom said you looked used
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
