oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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