dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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