yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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