If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
