Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize