Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
