so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
