like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
