You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Come see our sink grown plant.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
