I wish I only lived at night.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
