Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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