DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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