alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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