I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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