Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
