Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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