Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
