Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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