i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize