Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
