Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
