I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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