Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
