Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
