he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
