just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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