The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
