Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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