The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
