and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
