You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
