Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
