my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
