sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
