Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
