Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize