you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
