fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
