if i died would you start the facebook group?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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