I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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