We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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