I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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