Kiss
Puke
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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