oh god the rape fog is back!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
