The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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