I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize