She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
