there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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