if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
