Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I skipped work to stalk him.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
