its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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