Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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