My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize