JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
