Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize