drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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