Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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