I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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