I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
