Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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