I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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