Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
