I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize